Are you ready to dive into some personal topics? I want to talk about my personal journey with microdosing, what microdosing even is as well as my thoughts, apprehension and excitement about my upcoming Ayahuasca ceremony.
But first I need to say that in no way, shape or form am I advocating or suggesting that anyone microdose or do Ayahuasca. Legalities are different everywhere and it is a very personal decision that is dependent on health, laws, and intention.
What is microdosing?
Microdosing is taking a small amount of a psychedelic substance such that the effects are sub-perceptual. Most commonly it is Psilocybin (found in some Mushrooms) and even LSD. Sub-perceptual means you won’t feel a high. The goal is not to have a high. The goal is, however, to have the effects and benefits that are happening behind the scenes.
According to a study of microdosing, microdosers reported to have lower levels of depression, stress and anxiety as compared to non microdosers. The most common substance used was psilocybin and the dose/frequency was different which also suggests that there is no one size fits all.
Personal Experience microdosing
I wanted to microdose for 2 reasons. The first was to get ready for Ayahuasca and the other was to see if it would help with my depression and anxiety. Two things that I have suffered with my entire adult life. Some times are better than others and for the most part, my depression is under control, but my daily anxiety is another story.
Microdosing THC
What is interesting is that I was microdosing with THC before I even knew the term microdosing. It started when Covid was just a baby. I didn’t have anxiety over Covid itself but about what was happening in the world and the response to Covid. The shutdowns, the job losses, the division, all of it. Coincidentally that is when my hubby and I decided to move out to the country and just get the heck away from most of it! But that is another story.
So I went and got some CBD drops with THC in them. I had a ton of anxiety about taking it to help my anxiety. Go figure. I got one that was 9 parts CBD to 1 part THC (9:1), so pretty light on the THC. I took the minimum dose and I can’t say that I felt much over a few month time period. I did end up doubling it over time. I noticed that my anxiety would sometimes increase which was odd.
I decided to get the 1:1 and then stupidly took the same amount (volume wise) and suddenly found myself high as a kite. And, of course, I hated it because I wasn’t in control. So I went back to my lighter version of it.
I used it on and off for the next year or so and then switched to gummies and still took a dose that was light enough that I wasn’t high. But I never felt my anxiety lift and didn’t feel any of the relief or change that I wanted. Now, mind you, I never expected it to be a fix all. I was doing the work behind the scenes as well.
So, let’s fast forward to the summer of 2021. A friend of mine went to an Ayahuasca ceremony and had been microdosing leading up to it. When she talked about it, I got really interested but didn’t pull the trigger on either one. I had already been thinking of Ayahuasca at this point, but the way.
Fast forward again to early 2022 when I had her as a guest on one of my podcasts. You can go check out that episode because it was amazing – episode 6 of The Mystics Realm Podcast. After listening to her talk about her experience AGAIN, I decided to give microdosing a try. But not with THC, with mushrooms.
Microdosing Mushrooms
Now, it was hard enough to take THC gummies even though I had smoked pot in the past and obviously survived. If you can’t tell, I do have a bit of a control issue and therefore mind altering drugs and I don’t mix well. Kinda funny when you think about it given what I am being legitimately pulled and strongly called to do with Ayahuasca.
Anyway, I got myself some mushroom edibles for lack of a better word. They were chocolate bars basically. I figured out what the recommended microdose was for mushrooms and it was exactly 1 square. Almost as if the chocolate maker knew what he or she was doing, right? It took me 4 days to get up to taking a full square. The first day I took ¼. The second day I took ½. The third day I took ¾. And the fourth day I took a full square.
Now, a microdose is about 1/10th of a baseline (i.e. minimal) full dose of mushrooms. So the fact that I was even concerned with taking 1 square is just dumb, but whatever! I had never taken mushrooms before so I was extra nervous.
Here is what I noticed with my first week of taking a microdose of mushrooms. I was calmer. Again there was no trip or anything. I was more motivated to work out. And most interestingly, I had some stuff come up to process from my prior marriage. There is a lot of stuff to work on there, that I simply haven’t done. But what it allowed me to do was to show grace to both myself and my ex. And also simply acknowledge the things that were painful in a 3rd party way. Meaning I was just the observer. And I would see it, think to myself “oh, ok, I understand. You can go now” and then it went. OMG. That was probably the most profound piece.
Again, it wasn’t like I was on a trip or anything. I did everything that I normally would have done in a day.
Interestingly though, it made my desire to drink a whole lot less! Not that I drink (or drank) a lot, but I mostly lost the desire. That was a nice bonus considering alcohol is simply a toxin for our body.
I am still microdosing and do a 5 on, 2 off kind of schedule. My understanding is that a tolerance builds up which is why you definitely want “off” days. And even extended periods of time “off” time mixed in. Several weeks for example.
I have yet to do a full trip, but I feel like I should before getting hit with Ayahuasca! I tried one night and chickened out. I took 3 squares, but that isn’t even close to a macro dose. Not even a little bit. But it did make me roll my eyes at the fact that I was scared to even take ¼ that first day.
Ayahuasca
So, let’s move on to Ayahuasca. I’m sure some of you have heard about it, but there are probably some who have not.
Ayahuasca is [1] the leaves from Psychotria Viridis and the stem from Banisteriopsis caapi mixed together to make a decoction. The stem inhibits the breakdown of DMT that comes from the leaves. Otherwise, the DMT would be metabolized quickly. This makes the effects last longer.
DMT is basically one of the most potent hallucinogenic chemicals known to mankind. And then pair that with an MAOI inhibitor (which is why they pair the leaves and stems as they do), the effects will last for quite a while.
It is recommended that one adhere to a specific diet and abstain from things like sex, alcohol, and caffeine for the days or weeks leading up to the ceremony. This not only helps the body detox of toxins but it allows it to be in a more pure state for the ceremony.
Ayahuasca has traditionally been used for spiritual ceremony and hosted by Shamans. Peru, Costa Rica, and Brazil are all popular places to travel to experience an Ayahuasca ceremony. But there are more places that are popping up where Ayahuasca ceremonies are starting to be held. Always do your due diligence for where you go and who is hosting it, however.
What does Ayahuasca do?
Oh man….. I have read many personal accounts, watched many documentaries and spoken to several friends who have personally journeyed with mother Ayahuasca. And the one thing I can tell you is this. Ayahuasca will do what she does. Period. Everyone’s experience is different. Some people talk about a beautiful experience full of love and positive messages, some experience something closer to hell, some lose their connection to reality fully, some are fully in their body.
What is universal, though, is that there is no judgment about a good or bad experience. The “bad” experiences can be more powerful because they are bringing up those deep rooted things that need to be dealt with, processed and let go. In the moment there might be terror, but afterward there is often understanding of what Ayahuasca was trying to teach you or show you.
Mother Ayahuasca is a teacher. She isn’t always a roses and lilacs kind of teacher. But she is a beautiful teacher nonetheless.
My Preparation for Ayahuasca
My ceremony date is 6/18/2022 and I am just doing a single ceremony this first time. I plan on doing a double ceremony soon as well as a 4 day journey next year. I suppose all that depends on how my first one goes, but I am going into it with no expectations.
So as we talked about, there is preparation for the Ayahuasca journey and here is my plan for the next 6 weeks leading up to my ceremony.
- I will be doing the following things daily: Yoga, Breathwork, Meditation, and Dry Brushing
- I will be doing the following things weekly (at a minimum): Ice baths
- 2 week prior, I will switch to a vegan diet, and eliminate alcohol, caffeine, herbs, and (sigh) sex
- 1 week prior I will start connecting in with nature more than I normally do, especially with walking meditations
And then will come ceremony night!
Inner Preparations for Ayahuasca
Now, what we haven’t talked about in terms of preparation is the mental preparation. I have a spiritual mentor that I am working with at the moment and we have taken a little tangent for a few weeks to address what I feel like I need to address before going on my journey.
Most notably it is fear and control. I carry a lot of fear that was imprinted on me that does not belong to me. I inherited it, if you will. Whether it is mine or not, it is very alive and well in my energetic field. I would like a head start on this process before Mother Ayahuasca teaches me the hard lesson.
So when it comes to fear I am working on separating my energy field from certain people in my life whose fields have inadvertently crossed over into mine bringing with it their patterns of fear. And additionally, working on recognizing that I am safe in this dreaming world and letting go of the fear that keeps me from reaching up and touching the stars.
The second is control. If you were to ask my husband, he would say it is the same thing. That my fear of control is simply a fear of fear. Meaning, if I can’t control something that I don’t know how it will turn out or what will happen and then I feel fear. So basically I fear the fear of fear of fear of fear and so on and so on. It is an interesting way of looking at it and perhaps there is some truth there.
My Intent for Ayahuasca
It is important to go into an Ayahuasca ceremony with a clear intention. What do you desire? What do you need? What do you want Mother Ayahuasca to teach you? Now she might have her own agenda, but if your intent is of your true heart, then there is a good chance it will be addressed.
My intention, and it may change as I get closer, is to learn to love with the kind of love that this universe is built on. REAL love. Unconditional love. Full body, mind and soul kind of love. Not the conditional kind of crap that we are taught in this 3D life. And the second thing is to know my full soul self. Not just my physical self and the pieces that I can see in this incarnation. But my FULL, eternal soul self.
I know that she will teach me what I need to learn. But I do hope that this will be a part of it.
Am I Nervous?
You bet I am nervous. I am petrified. Which is the reason I know I need to do this. They say Ayahuasca will reach out when it is your time and I had this unique opportunity fall into my lap and I knew it was the time. Aside from my marathons and Half Ironman races, this is probably the hardest mental thing that I am going to have EVER tackled.
I will have another article shortly after the ceremony once I’ve been able to integrate and process and I will let you know how it went
References
[1] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5532431/
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